Allah, I need you...

I had my worst breakdown for this week. For this week only. Only Allah know what I'm feeling inside. I feel numb. I never felt as numb as right now. My nights were accompanied by misery. Truly misery loves me as its company. I terribly am missing my late grandpa. True, it is not good to cry over someone who's left us. But he is the only grandpa I had since the day I was born until the day he went away. I grew up with no other grandpa but him. And to see my grandma alone in her room, is worst. And I miss daddy since the last time I saw him which was on the 1st Ramadhan. I made the biggest confession to daddy just now. Not wanting to know what will happen next, I texted him. I wasn't expecting for any reply. I'm just hoping for a change. Changes, perhaps. I'm all messed up. I've Probate test tomorrow and here I am, lying on my bed, staring at the empty ceiling, hoping that my life will change. Why am I not making myself closer to Him? Why am I drifting away? I need someone. Someone who can guide me to happiness. I need you, Mama. I'm longing to go back home. I can't call you. I never want to make u worried. I never want to burden you again, anymore. Only you can tell me what should I do. Ma, I need you so badly... Ma, tell me everything is gonna be alright.. I need your strength.. Ya Allah, forgive me..

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