To the deep ocean it goes, being drifted by the big waves.

For words that were unpleasant, for taking your time to wait, for making you believe that I'm waiting too, for putting the blame on you, for betraying the trust you had for me, for revealing who I truly am just like who I was in the past, for hurting you and perhaps for making your life miserable, for being over sensitive about things when i actually should not, for making you work hard for me and in the end for making everything not worth anything, for questioning too many things you do, and for everything I have done wrong - I am sorry.

Shakespeare once said "Expectation is the root of all heartache".

So stop expecting anything from me. Perhaps this is it. The end to everything, no? Because in us, I can see no future anymore. They are just too vague for me to foresee, and, I'm just not able to put things in proper vocabulary to say how sorry I am.

Of Saturday Morning & Civil Procedure

Well Alhamdulillah our presentation went well, and I hope it went well for other groups as well. We requested to present today since, I don't know, malas nak delay. Boleh? Boleh la.

Yang penting, ada another group buat booklet jugak for company's profile hehh.

Oh btw for those who asked why were our presentation kind of mengantuk atau dalam bahasa kasarnya bosan, it was because we maintain the poise and the elegance of simplicity. Hence, the basic black background for almost anything about our firm ; name card, company's profile, company's file, list of disclosures, slides presentation, etc. Alasan, kan? And we sped up because we were asked to, Puan suruh. Whatever lah I don't understand either what I was rambling about. Nama pun keje gebang, what do you expect? Dengar cite gambar lawyer's room aku sama ngan gang Suraya. Firm's mission sama ngan Ungku's group. See what I mean? You  copy, you paste, that's what you get. Kerja gebang weh.

Anyway kudos to few groups that have presented. Some of them did wayyyyy better than us. But considering our contributions, each one of us deserves a standing ovation, no? Tapi betul lah siap semua in less than a week. Over tau. Tadi ada siap bawak banner firm, siap pura-pura on the  phone konon busy tu yang tak tahan tu. Rasa nak lempang, wey switch off phone la deyy dah tau nak present. Hahah tapi ok la kelakar, lively la sikit, terhibur pakcik makcik, kan?

For Civil Procedures II per se, in one hella week, we spent RM168.80. And that makes each one of us obliged to pay RM33.76, mind you, for CP per se. That does not include fuels, makan and beli jajan kat C-Mart everytime pegi Changlun. And that cost includes company's files, a booklet of company's profile, business cards, photocopies, and misc.

And part of it was taking photos for our profile :

Confident much? Nak hire kitorang? Boleh, kalau ada kes kapal berlanggar ke apa ke hehee. That's my forte, ya know :D Anyway, tips for those yang belum present, please avoid from looking at the guys because you'll be very distracted menyakai macam apa je.

P.S. Thank you for the additional note but it is still not accepted :)

Patience

When people say anything about you that you wish they'd never say, sabar.

When people think that it's not time yet for you to change, sabar.

When people tease you, sabar.

When people tease the way you wear your hijab, sabar.

When people tease your hijab, sabar.

For everyone who have patience, they'll eventually learn the beauty of it.

:)

Suncolday?

Suncolday is cold Sunday.

Assalamu'alaikum & Hello. I should give salaam at the beginning of my post, shouldn't I? Tapi kenapa sebelum ni tak gheti nak bagi salaam? Lupa letewww.

Anyway this is perhaps the most ideal time for me to highlight 3 main things in my life, as at 23rd January 2011.

1. I might not want to be among the backbenchers any longer - Why? Not that I despise being among the so called ( Emgeeeeee did I just say 'so called'? Bahahahhaha ) cool dudes and dudess ( dudes in different gender ). Cool ke orang-orang duduk blakang? Jap, ada je orang tak cool duduk blakang, kan? Tapi cool la konon macam high school notorious gangsters la, no? Whatever lah. Ok serious business please. Reasons why I'm contemplating so? Firstly it was what crossed my mind in Jurisprudence class this afternoon. I had odd feelings while I let my mind wander from what Dr. Ahmad was trying to get us to follow him. I wasn't feeling comfortable. In myself, in my surroundings, etc. Perhaps I should place myself in a more comfy tiny little atmosphere of my own. At least I can concentrate more on what Dr. Ahmad is lecturing. I can't really explain in words, but it has something to do with the opposite gender and inferiority complex. We'll see what I can do with it lay-tah ayte!
2. Socks - Again, I've been feeling more and more uncomfortable with certain things about myself. I wonder why am I having some ( or better said, all ) sort of inferiorities in life, now, at this phase, at this time, when confidence is all I need to, urmm, to whatever lah. Everybody needs confidence, yes? Alright back to the socks issue. What kind of socks am I talking about anyway? And why? Okay so here's the thing. I've been thinking, while I'm walking in skirts, my feet are showing and at times I can feel that too much are showing, though I know they are not. But sometimes you won't notice until someone tells you that your feet are showing, your neck are showing, etc, right? And not everybody is willing to patiently show their concern towards you to tell you everytime anything inappropriate is showing, right? Semua orang ada benda lain that they've to deal with in life, kan? So when I went to the library today, there are booths selling varieties. And I saw socks. Hey, socks! So I bought two pairs; one in black and another is in skin color and wore them instantly and there you go, a covered feet and a slight increase is self-confidence.
3. Skinny jeans - I will try my very best, to ditch skinny jeans :(( Though that is THE MOST easy and THE MOST comfortable piece of shit ever that you can ever wear with almost anything to almost anywhere in the world, but fact is, it shows the figure of my legs. Terlampau melekap. I'm not saying that I will not wear them ever ever again, no. Whatever changes you wish to make in life, there are ways of doing it, right? Well that would be impossible for me, for now. Because I'm still learning to be better, I am not already a better person than before. And I believe there's few steps of staircase that you'd have to climb in order to reach its top. And myself is at, well let's say, at the 2nd or 3rd step? I don't know. I really don't know when can I entirely ditch my skinny jeans because it's still hanging in my wardrobe and staring at me with creepy look saying "When are you gonna wear me??". I'll say, "When am I not gonna wear you?".

Enough with three points of the day. Despite of what I have written down in this virtual journal of mine which is filled with wordings and letters and which is lacking of attractive photos, whoever reading this who knows me in person, my hopes are that you will not judge me. Since I did mention wearing socks and ditching skinny jeans and not intending to sit at the back any longer, those are mere plans of mine. Execution is another matter. To execute or not to execute, those are left to The Almighty. All I can do is to pray that I have the guts and determination. And please please please jangan la expect that I will soon in 2 or 3 days time, will transform into a woman in burqa. No. Not that I do not want to change for the utmost goodness, it takes me gradual changes, you know. For now I think I'll be okay with what I am now. I'm trying to lower my hijab as to cover my chest, to wear long cardigans to cover my back, etc. Tapi jangan lah kalau aku duduk blakang jugak hangpa halau pegi depan :(

But, since I am not even close to perfection, I hope you can give me positive critics, if any, should I do wrong in the way I'm dressing up, the way I speak, they way I act, or anything, I'm open to critics. But do not give critics that'd bring me down, please, be gentle, for I am vulnerable. Githeww. But really, I need to have istiqamah. And it ain't easy. But this is my choice so I have to work for it, kan?

" Persistence, hard working and continual improvement and actions to achieve your dreams or mission ". Insha Allah.

I'll appreciate anything, or everything, or even something.

Sorry for rambling. Whatever it is, I am absocredibnarily awesome! lols

XX

I miss to..

Ok whatever.

*Brainwashing own mind*

I'm not missing anything.

Penang Yaww

Sambil tulis entry ni aku tgh Google pantai Batu Ferringhi sambil membayangkan aku dan kawan-kawan sedang berlari-lari di pasir jerlus tepi pantai sambil kutip taik kuda. No. Itu semua manusia gila bayang punya kerja. Patutnya sekarang ni aku tak duduk kat bilik depan laptop rambut selekeh kusut masai muka desperado mata lebam perut lapar otak jammed. Tak semua tu aku reserve untuk weekend depan, patutnya lah. Sebab supposedly time ni aku dengan kawan-kawan tengah pakai shades memasing, sambil hirup kuah laksa batu kat Ferringhi atau sedang dalam air-cond kat Queensbay tolong Zati cari dress untuk dinner atau sedang duduk dalam hiruk-pikuk manusia dalam HRC Penang sambil melayan live band yang boleh membangkitkan nostalgia masa silam yang mungkin lagu-lagu MUSE akan dimainkan dan aku akan ke-high-an atau mungkin time ni kami sedang main parachute kat laut sambil aku jerit di udara "Ustaz Amirul I love you". Huh? Perhaps je..

Tapi korang ever wonder tak kenapa dah plan sakan since last sem lagi, tetiba aku ended up hidup aku kat uni je duduk melopong?

Sebab PTPTN tak masukkan duit lagi. Kelakar? Tak. Hujung bulan ni baru masuk. Hujung bulan ni orang sume dah blah balik kampung memasing nak makan limau. So entah la PTPTN je yang tau bila kitorang akan pegi Penang balik.

Mengidam lagi la nak fine dining with them girls at Ferringhi Garden :(

And to have another rock moment here. I miss NY2010.

Tapi kira ok jugaklah harini pegi makan Pizza dengan mereka, Ayah saya belanja dia saje datang melawat teheee :D

Oh baidewei haritu masa nak balik UUM, saya missed the flight yaww. Hehh. 4 tahun I've been travelling back and forth KL-AOR, ni first time tertinggal flight. Bangun lambat, sampai-sampai je kat LCCT ada lagi approx 25mins. Pujuk punya pujuk, depa tetap tak bagi because they said dah tutup counter and plane dah boarded, so memang tak boleh. i asked them to check me in, without my luggage pun it'd be fine. Bag kemudian Mama boleh post it to me. But they still can't allow me to check in. Pasrah. Balik tu singgah Bukit Jalil beli tiket bas. Naik Konsortium, petang tu around 5PM sampai Sintok.

Jumpa je minah-minah itu, diorang pun ada cerita kelam-kabut kat airport.

Fiza pun bangun lambat on that day, approx 8.10AM patutnya kena check in, pukul 8 baru nak mandi. Dah siap nak salam abang, ayah semua, mak pecut kereta pegi airport, sampai ok la on time sebab rumah tak jauh from Subang. Sampai-sampai je, timbang bag, hambek kau lebih 4 kilo setengah. Dengan rambut yang masih basah, siap ada air menitik-nitik lagi, dia pun punggah bag keluarkan apa-apa untuk reduce berat. Dah tak tau nak keluarkan apa lagi, dia pun timbang lagi. Masih lebih berat tapi lebih 2 kilo. Abang tu pun halalkan aje lah 2 kilo tu memandangkan Fiza student.

Raihan pulak, dia sampai lambat jugak kat LCCT. And she was the last person who boarded. Maybe that explains why I can't check in. Haha.

Idy lagi best. Masa saya sampai airport dia yang tolong angkatkan satu bag sebab Mama tak larat nak angkat tangan sakit. Plus dia nak tumpang her liquids dalam luggage saya. Dah heboh-heboh saya tak boleh check in, dia pun cakap ok la dia nak pegi masuk dalam dah lambat. Bila dia dah masuk, dia duduk depan gate tunggu kat situ, dia ingat gate belum bukak. Skali dengar nama dia panggil as the last passenger. Dia pun kelam-kabut masuk. Sampai je kat airport Alor Setar, dia sedar yang dia terbawak kunci kereta mak dia dan purse kakak dia. Bila telefon mak dia, mak cakap diorang balik naik MyVi, sumbat 6 orang dewasa + seorang infant. Note that mereka ni datang naik Naza Ria. Boleh imagine? Sila lah imagine.

Haishh so hari itu adalah hari clumsy semua orang but whatever it is, semua selamat sampai UUM to proceed with the final journey in law school. Githeww. Alhamdulillah we are now here. Takyah nak poyo sangat sebab lagi seminggu lebih, semua balik rumah balik haha.

OK lah itu saja. Selamat menempuhi hujung minggu semua!

Big Black Bag

Have you ever pity your clothes when you're travelling, that you have to pack them all in a bag, and they're kind of looking at you screaming and wanting to get the hell outta the bag and that they're suffocating inside?

Especially those clothes with beads on, those that are too delicate to be packed together with normal old school t-shirts that you'd put on at night, those clothes that you send to the laundry to be dry-cleaned? Lepas tu kena masuk dalam plastic and hang elok2 bagai. Senang cite, ni semua bangsa baju2 leceh nak jaga. Kalau pakai baju2 bangsa camni, kau takleh gi kenduri pastu baik hati nak tolong Mak Jah, Mak Kiah, Nek Mah semua sental periuk belanga, tak boleh. Nanti baju kau habis rosak. Kalau kau nak buat camtu kau kena pakai baju kurung cotton.

And and and,

Have you ever regretted for choosing only 20kgs for your checked-in luggage and later you kept thinking that you should check in for 30kgs or unlimited weight? Wait, do they offer unlimited weight for luggages? No, of course not. Kalau ada 10, 20 orang macam yours truly, tak reti nak bawak barang sikit2, roboh la plane heeee.

Anyway, while I'm packing and having backache, when I'm almost done, it suddenly hit me - mana baju kurung?? Hahahah ok great. Bag dah penuh. But baju kurung, hijabs, misc semua belum masuk lagi. The berry the I-don't-know-what-to-do.

Masuk ni dah 3 kali punggah keluar balik baju2, with hopes that I can reduce them to, perhaps 10 or 15 kgs only, because I have to allocate approx 5 kgs and more for books.

Mind you, each of my book weight at least 2 kgs. AT LEAST. I think now juara bertahan yang paling berat is my Evidence Law text book. Tu kalau silap langkah angkat tu, mau terpeleot tangan, bengkak 7 purnama tu. Hahahhaha ober tau.

Anywayy, what I like the most about studying abroad in local university which is 6 hours away drive from my hometown is that before I go back to uni, I'd have to see my aunts and grandma first. It has always been like that. Sebelum balik memang kena pegi rumah Mak Ngah, rumah Mak Tua, jumpa Wan, etc. So bila jumpa diorang, usually they'll give me some money la. So bila dapat duit, of chos la gembira. Sape tak suka dapat duit??? Orang gila pun kalau kau bagi diorang duit, sengeh pusing keliling kampung kot.

And since I have plans to go to for a final vacay with them girls, boleh la tampung sikit2 buat belanja ke apa ke.. Hahaha we're broke actually. Semua takde duit tapi batak gak nak pegi hols.

Oh lepas tu yang best jugak, before balik Mama mesti masak sedap2 heee. Pastu tapau bawak balik uni. And the best part is that malam2 keluar beli nasi je, pastu balik bilik ajak segerombolan kawan2 datang bilik kau, bukak meja Jepun, makan reramai sambil gossip cite apa kes korang cuti pegi mana beli apa gaduh ngan BF pasal apa mak bapak sihat ke etc. Tengok2 dah pukul 1AM. That, is bliss. :)

Ok dah la. Nak mandi and sambung punggah bag. Wish me luck in my efforts to try to decrease the amount of a gigantic black bag stuffed with clothes per se. I don't know what's wrong with me, seriously.

Define Happiness

Much love, yes? Too much :)))

The Rainbow Finally Showed Up

After a week since I last post anything here, I finally have something new to write about! Yayy to myself! I've been dreading and staring at the laptop screen thinking of what to write, but to no avail, nothing crossed my mind. Purely nothing! Fetetik, kan?

After having such gloomy days, and since I last went out with them lovelies ( Yes, somehow this name sticked with us, The Lovelies. The Latecomer Lovelies. ), I went out again today.

Before I left home, I smelled something nice and asked Mama what were she cooking. It was ayam masak lemak cili api. Dangg. I said ok takpe lah balik nanti nak makan puas-puas. It's been awhile since we had Mama's cooking, for some reasons.

So I went to fetch Adwin and headed to Old Blossom Box. I had no idea where the heck Section 13 is, so I just redah the jalan according to the poor signboards provided. Adwin told me Malaysia ranked bottom 3 in the world as having the worst signboards ever. I second that. Pernah korang tak sesat jalan? For sure pernah kan?

Redah punya redah, jumpa lah Laman Seri Business Park. Hoyeahh I was great, I thought. While waiting for the other two gentlemen lovelies, we alas perut a lil bit, makan at Kinnely pejadah tah sebelah Ambank tu. The roti bakar and roti boom were nice! Seriously. So lembut. The roti lah.

After the guys have arrived we went upstairs and it was too crowded inside. I have no idea where to start I felt like suffocating. Orang queue up nak bayar pun ramai gila, orang snap pictures here and there, orang pilih baju, belek barang, macam-macam orang lah! I looked around and found this one nice waterfall drapery blazer and bought it and we left after we have no other reasons to stay. Headed to Pakli to have late lunch since we were all starving. Raihan and her friend, Nabila joined us later at Pakli, also due to headache she had at OBB.

Lepak there quite lama jugak lah and decided to go to I am Jet Fuel ; Yuna's shop in Subang since I have never been there before, and Apan was very excited because we said Yuna's shop offers apparels for men, too ( Both he and Raja was so bored, sitting lazily on OBB's couch while waiting for me haha ). As soon as I arrived at I am Jet Fuel, I instantly fell in love with almost everything!! The shawls, the clothes, the Oxfords, the bags. But due to limited budget, I bought only a sheer oversize black top, a shawl, an acid wash with puffy jacket, and a braided belt. All it all cost me less than RM150. Awesome kan?! I know!! :))

Oh we later headed to Whisk @ Empire Subang and I had macarons. I thought I would like it but hehhhh no, I don't. They're just too sweet for my tooth. BUT, Adwin's red velvet cupcake is to die for! I fell in love with it! Lepas ni nak makan itu cake kat situ lagi :D

Anyway, to sum it up, today was wonderful. Spending time with wonderful people who are able to effortlessly make you laugh out loud till your stomach was aching like hell, till perut rasa mual nak termuntah, and whatnots, are just too awesome. Like Raja said with his accent and gaya, FRIGGIN AWESOME! Hehh :D

I can say that I am no longer an OBB virgin, no longer a I am Jet Fuel virgin, no longer an Empire Subang virgin. Because today, I went to the above mentioned places I've been longing to go to, for the first time. Boo yah! But whatever. Better late than never, huh?

But today will never become a happiness for me if it's not because of Him, kan? Alhamdulillah, all praises to Him for granting me redzeki, and for granting me absolute happiness, and as well as for giving me such adorable friends. Ameen. :)))

**Photos will be uploaded later. I'm waiting for instagr.am yawww!**