Allah is Great I must say. I am yet to discover the reasons behind all these. But this is too hard for me to even think of. I wonder why am I too generous with tears nowadays. Tooooo generous. I've never been like this before. I just keep on failing and failing, again and again and again until I breathe the last breath, I suppose? In the middle of doing my work I can still shed tears which came out of nowhere. I tried reciting zikir so that I will draw myself closer to Him. But perhaps I wasn't concentrating on it that much that my mind seemed to drift away to that part of life filled with great turbulence.
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