Suncolday?

Suncolday is cold Sunday.

Assalamu'alaikum & Hello. I should give salaam at the beginning of my post, shouldn't I? Tapi kenapa sebelum ni tak gheti nak bagi salaam? Lupa letewww.

Anyway this is perhaps the most ideal time for me to highlight 3 main things in my life, as at 23rd January 2011.

1. I might not want to be among the backbenchers any longer - Why? Not that I despise being among the so called ( Emgeeeeee did I just say 'so called'? Bahahahhaha ) cool dudes and dudess ( dudes in different gender ). Cool ke orang-orang duduk blakang? Jap, ada je orang tak cool duduk blakang, kan? Tapi cool la konon macam high school notorious gangsters la, no? Whatever lah. Ok serious business please. Reasons why I'm contemplating so? Firstly it was what crossed my mind in Jurisprudence class this afternoon. I had odd feelings while I let my mind wander from what Dr. Ahmad was trying to get us to follow him. I wasn't feeling comfortable. In myself, in my surroundings, etc. Perhaps I should place myself in a more comfy tiny little atmosphere of my own. At least I can concentrate more on what Dr. Ahmad is lecturing. I can't really explain in words, but it has something to do with the opposite gender and inferiority complex. We'll see what I can do with it lay-tah ayte!
2. Socks - Again, I've been feeling more and more uncomfortable with certain things about myself. I wonder why am I having some ( or better said, all ) sort of inferiorities in life, now, at this phase, at this time, when confidence is all I need to, urmm, to whatever lah. Everybody needs confidence, yes? Alright back to the socks issue. What kind of socks am I talking about anyway? And why? Okay so here's the thing. I've been thinking, while I'm walking in skirts, my feet are showing and at times I can feel that too much are showing, though I know they are not. But sometimes you won't notice until someone tells you that your feet are showing, your neck are showing, etc, right? And not everybody is willing to patiently show their concern towards you to tell you everytime anything inappropriate is showing, right? Semua orang ada benda lain that they've to deal with in life, kan? So when I went to the library today, there are booths selling varieties. And I saw socks. Hey, socks! So I bought two pairs; one in black and another is in skin color and wore them instantly and there you go, a covered feet and a slight increase is self-confidence.
3. Skinny jeans - I will try my very best, to ditch skinny jeans :(( Though that is THE MOST easy and THE MOST comfortable piece of shit ever that you can ever wear with almost anything to almost anywhere in the world, but fact is, it shows the figure of my legs. Terlampau melekap. I'm not saying that I will not wear them ever ever again, no. Whatever changes you wish to make in life, there are ways of doing it, right? Well that would be impossible for me, for now. Because I'm still learning to be better, I am not already a better person than before. And I believe there's few steps of staircase that you'd have to climb in order to reach its top. And myself is at, well let's say, at the 2nd or 3rd step? I don't know. I really don't know when can I entirely ditch my skinny jeans because it's still hanging in my wardrobe and staring at me with creepy look saying "When are you gonna wear me??". I'll say, "When am I not gonna wear you?".

Enough with three points of the day. Despite of what I have written down in this virtual journal of mine which is filled with wordings and letters and which is lacking of attractive photos, whoever reading this who knows me in person, my hopes are that you will not judge me. Since I did mention wearing socks and ditching skinny jeans and not intending to sit at the back any longer, those are mere plans of mine. Execution is another matter. To execute or not to execute, those are left to The Almighty. All I can do is to pray that I have the guts and determination. And please please please jangan la expect that I will soon in 2 or 3 days time, will transform into a woman in burqa. No. Not that I do not want to change for the utmost goodness, it takes me gradual changes, you know. For now I think I'll be okay with what I am now. I'm trying to lower my hijab as to cover my chest, to wear long cardigans to cover my back, etc. Tapi jangan lah kalau aku duduk blakang jugak hangpa halau pegi depan :(

But, since I am not even close to perfection, I hope you can give me positive critics, if any, should I do wrong in the way I'm dressing up, the way I speak, they way I act, or anything, I'm open to critics. But do not give critics that'd bring me down, please, be gentle, for I am vulnerable. Githeww. But really, I need to have istiqamah. And it ain't easy. But this is my choice so I have to work for it, kan?

" Persistence, hard working and continual improvement and actions to achieve your dreams or mission ". Insha Allah.

I'll appreciate anything, or everything, or even something.

Sorry for rambling. Whatever it is, I am absocredibnarily awesome! lols

XX

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