Two Years

3rd October 2008, 3rd Syawal 1429H.

You left us all crying over your death. You left us wonder why do you have to leave too soon. I still have not had enough of your advices you loved to give casually while we were watching TV, how you love to remind us all the importance to education, how crucial it is to always form the pillars of religion, how we need to respect our parents, and be obedience towards them. I still not have enough of your complaints over the news on TV, how cruel the world is becoming, how corrupted the system is becoming. I still have not had enough of your babbles, and everything about you.

You left Wan alone in her room, sleeping all by herself every night since you were gone. You left her unaccompanied whenever Mama brought her back to kampung. You used to accompany her all the way from KL to kampung, now Wan go back to kampung to pay you visits. You left Wan to sit alone on the couch in the morning of 1st Syawal, saying her words and appreciation, when you were the one who usually did that on the previous Syawals before you left.

You left Mama alone in her room, crying every day since you've been gone. Not even one day Mama went through without crying. You left Mama alone in her kitchen, cooking your favourite dishes to be sent to Wan, though you're not around anymore. You were always on Mama's lips in anything she does. "Atok suka lauk ni." "Kalau Atok ni, mesti dia marah." "Kalau Atok ada lagi.." But Mama never expressed how she felt in front of us. You left Mama and made her a very strong woman.

You left me. You left me crying on Abang's shoulder in the aisle of the hospital, just outside the Intensive Care Unit. You had us rushed back to kampung from Seremban to prepare for the hardest thing for us to do during Syawal.

When everybody else were preparing for lemang, ketupat and rendang, we were preparing white cloths.

When everybody were visiting relatives they have not met for years, we were visited by relatives who paid their last visit to you.

When other houses were filled with people in beautiful new outfits, our house were filled with people in baju Melayu, songkok, baju kurung, and hijabs.

Tears filled the atmosphere.

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But that was two years back. Today I called Mama. She was preparing for your tahlil. Atok, just so you know, you are very fortunate. Your tahlil were always filled with so many people. Mama will cook your favourite food for your tahlil. So many people prayed for you because you were a good man.

You were a good husband, father, grandfather, and great grandfather. You were my idol, now and forever. Atok, when I go back to kampung, one thing I love to look through is the album you created. There were albums for family portraits, and albums for newspaper cuttings. They were all ancients. They remind me of you, how you loved to sit all day in your room, and read through newspapers, and do the cut and paste.

Atok,

It has been two years but I feel like it was just yesterday I kissed your hands. It feels like yesterday I sprinkled flowers on your grave. It feels like yesterday I sat by your grave and recite Yassin with the others.

Atok,

I always pray that your soul will be blessed by Him. I pray everyday that you will be placed among the mu'min; that you will be place in His most beautiful Heaven. Amin.

Al-Fatihah.

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